Ecclesiastes 1:14

I have seen all the things that are done under the sun;
all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed these exact words; What DO you want from me Lord?

I truly love the Lord with all of my strength and all of my heart and all of my soul…but now what? For me, there is this constant, strengthening magnetic pull from within to serve, the only problem is that I have no idea what it is I am suppose to do. Most people that have witnessed me, and my behavior, this past year are probably convinced that I have some rare form of adult spiritual attention deficit. I hop from one mission to another in a heartbeat, continually waiting for that special one that is going to fill this great need of servitude in my heart. There have been times that I, myself, have thought there was something seriously wrong with my brain.

All I can say is that it hasn’t been for lack of trying on my part. Although none of my missions have filled the need in my soul, they have each nourished it in some way. The greatest thing I have achieved is a true love for people. In the past, I have always shied away from interacting with others. Maybe out of fear, maybe distrust, but more than likely just plain old lack of self-esteem. Other people seemed to have it all together and here I was still trying to figure out how to just be a decent wife and mother.

I have to admit that I started losing faith in my purpose. I gave everything I was doing 100% and yet nothing was bearing fruit as far as I could see. So I quit. Maybe the Lord didn’t have a purpose for me, so I might as well just do the dishes and be done with all my hopes and dreams of being a true servant. It wasn’t until I quit that I started to hear the Lord’s answer and it was nothing near what I imagined. In the quiet of my heart, He asked what I wanted. Of course this started another argument in my mind, surely He missed a prayer or something because I wanted to serve HIM. But no, He doesn’t miss prayers; He knows my heart even when I don’t, so why was He asking ME what I wanted? This definitely sent me into a tailspin for a while. Sometimes we get to thinking so much, that we forget how important it is to listen.

When I finally shut my mind up long enough to listen, the message was clear, God wants me to be happy. Whoever said that there is beauty in simplicity, knew how to listen when the Lord speaks. God doesn’t need you to change the world. That’s not saying that the world doesn’t need help, but seriously…He’s got it under control. Sometimes we get so full of our own knowledge and influence that we forget where it comes from. You alone cannot cure world hunger, you alone cannot shelter the homeless, and you alone cannot remove hypocrisy, hate and evil. What you alone CAN do is trust that all of the little things you do every day make a difference to God and HE ALONE can change the world. It’s an amazing concept I know, but definitely one worth experiencing.

Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

No pun intended…. but very well put!

You weren’t there
the night He found me
You did not feel what I felt
when he wrapped
his love all around me
and you don’t know the cost
of the oil in my alabaster box

- Alabaster Box, CeCe Wynans -

My husband and I were reading Genesis tonight, more specifically – the story of Joseph and how his own brothers sold him out because of jealousy. I got to thinking about character again … more specifically, attacks on your character.

If it wasn’t bad enough that Joseph’s brothers sold him out as a slave, his lot got much worse. Joseph found favor with Potiphar, an officer of the Pharaoh, and according to the bible “…his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand” (Gen. 39: 3). In view of the excellent character of Joseph, Potiphar placed great confidence in Joseph and he excelled — even as a slave.

Then enters Potiphar’s wife. She wanted Joseph — and tempted him, but loyal not only to Potiphar – but to God Almighty, he showed amazing strength and character above approach, but what did he get for his efforts? He was accused of assaulting his master’s wife and thrown into prison.

I’m sure many of you have experienced this, I know I have. You do everything you know in your heart that is right, and yet the weight of the world slaps you in the face and you wonder….why God? Where did I go wrong this time? I wonder if Joseph thought the same, or if he was 100% confident in the decisions he made.

I have to admit…many people have called me different in the course of my life. I use to take offense at that in the beginning, but the longer I live – the more I appreciate that I am different. I don’t want to be a cookie-cutter image of somebody else, I just want to be me. I get weary of people trying to pour me into the mold of what they think I should be, or what society deems ‘acceptable’, because I know that it does not reflect who I truly am.

According to the World English Dictionary, character is the set of qualities that make somebody or something distinctive, especially somebodies qualities of mind and feeling. Going by that definition, when people attack your character – I think it implies that that they don’t want you to be distinctive, they want you to fit the mold and go with what society deems acceptable. Isn’t this the sand-pit of youth? Peer pressure? Is there ever an age where we outgrow the need to be one of the crowd? To be accepted as who we are?

Sometimes I feel I’ve kept my mouth shut for long enough. Yes world…I do have a backbone! I don’t want to be like you, and although I’m sorry you don’t understand that, I’m tired of wasting time on the trivial matters that you find so important – - because as far as I’m concerned, they aren’t really that big of a deal.

Where is your money now?
Where is your power?
Where is your freedom?

I have faith, extraordinary faith. God works all things toward good and I believe that, no matter how many fingers you want to point at my mistakes. I never claimed to be perfect – just basically good, and I believe that this is the humbleness that God desires.

Call me lofty, egotistical – whatever word you want to plug in there

- but as the world fails you,
- and judges you,
- and condemns you
- – you remember these words:

God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

May God Bless CeCe Winans for this song! I just want to be me and love the Lord, I just want to be happy – and that’s okay – - so look in the mirror before you want to judge who I really am – because you don’t know the cost of my alabaster box!

I am no better than the woman at the well, but I know the power behind the throne – - worship whatever God you want, but I know for a fact that I am saved! Can you confidently say the same? Time is growing short, let the Lord fill your cup from a well that never will run dry!

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