I woke up Sunday morning exhausted and mad. I found myself lying in bed arguing with my husband and he wasn’t even awake yet. We had spent all day Saturday out at the soccer fields with our 3 children . Beat by the sun I had collapsed into bed after haphazardly dumping some clothes into the washer and making a lame attempt to cook dinner. Still tired when I woke up the first thing that crossed my mind was I needed more help. I fumbled through making the coffee, glaring angrily at the dinner dishes that were still sitting in the sink and gleefully took the last clean coffee cup, thinking ’serves him right’. Walking outside I quickly sidestepped one of the kittens that had perched itself in front of the door demanding to be fed. You’re just going to have to wait, I told him, I can’t do everything. I sat there sipping my coffee watching the day dawn, getting angrier and angrier the more I thought of all the things that needed to be done. None of the kids had probably had a bath. I was sure the clothes were still sitting in the washer right where I left them. We still didn’t have anything to cook for the church pot luck picnic and it was highly unlikely we were going to make it to Sunday School…again. I heard my husband searching for a coffee cup in the kitchen and the guilt hit me. I looked back at the rising sun and started to pray. Dear Lord, I know there’s something wrong with me this morning – - I don’t want to take it out on my family. Please help me, I can’t do this alone, not today.

I peeked inside the window just in time to see my husband grabbing one of my collectible cat china cups then I fed the kittens so he didn’t blindly trip over them and break my china on the way out. With a smile on his face, he came out, gave me a kiss and asked if I was feeling better. All of the hostility I had felt for him all morning vanished. I sat there stunned for a minute – I have always believed in the power of prayer, but even so, I never stop being amazed when He answers them so efficiently.

My grandmother taught me when I was little to pray about everything, big and small. When I got a little older, I felt silly praying because none of them were ever answered. The boy I wanted to ask me out never did, the stylish clothes that would make me popular never appeared, my parents divorced, even though I prayed constantly that my family would stay together. My grandmother had fed me hogwash and I ate it up because I was a little girl stuck in a fantasy world where happily ever after still existed. As I continued to age, my prayer life became non-existent, and I got increasingly lost in a world that would never make sense. Bad things started to happen to me; drugs, alcohol, bad friends then eventually homelessness. That was the point that I decided to try the prayer thing again, after all it couldn’t hurt right? But these prayers were different than the prayers said by the little girl I had once been. They were angry prayers; I hate this, change this and give me, give me, give me. Did He answer? I didn’t think so at the time, but looking back after 15 + years, I can say absolutely, without a doubt. He took the hate and showed me how to love, He changed me, but not the things, and He gave and gave and gave, to this day He is still giving but I have learned now the importance of asking.

I come across so many people in today’s world that say religion makes no sense, Christianity is too hard and they are too busy to pray. These same people are also the first to complain about their lives, their circumstances and what they have in life. How is prayer hard? How can you be too busy to pray? You can lie in bed and mentally justify your actions because of what people have done to you. You can list all the ways you’ve been neglected, ignored and mistreated. You can have imaginary conversations where you put these evildoers in their place and plan ways to exact your revenge, but you don’t have time to pray?

You hear it over and over that there is power in prayer but have you ever truly allowed it to sink in. When you pray, the Lord gives you the power to accomplish the things that you can’t. When YOU pray, the Lord GIVES YOU THE POWER, but you must pray in order to be given that power. It doesn’t matter what you are praying about or what you are praying for, what matters is that you are praying. The Lord said, draw near to me and I will draw near to you. How much more simple can you get?

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Acts 2:20-21

The sun will be turned darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the end of the world lately. Not the normal doomsday variety, I’m not pre-trib, post-trib or anything complicated. I heard someone once say, we’ll all get it straight on the way up and that philosophy works fine with me. I’ve been thinking more about ‘Am I ready?’. Kind of like the packing check list before a big trip. I know I’m saved so I can cross that one off the list but I’m starting to think that there is more preparation necessary.

I guess it really struck me the other day when my son called me to see the pretty sunset. I was busy, doing something important I’m sure. By the time I made it outside, it was gone. I sat there for a while playing the what-if game. What if the sun didn’t rise tomorrow? What if that was the last sunset I ever had the opportunity to see? Okay, maybe that does seem a bit doomsday but the truth is, that for many people that day it was the last. Of all the promises God has made us, tomorrow isn’t one of them.

My husband works with 345 kilovolts of electricity every day. My children are in public schools. I have four close family relatives with heart disease. I have a sister with MS, a sister with depression and a 20-year old sister that drives in Austin. Am I ready spiritually for the sun to set on these relationships? Did I do all I could to show them my love? Christ’s love? The eternal love of God?

It’s a knuckle-brained world out there and the truth is, I’m not ready. There is so much more to do, so much more to say than just good-bye. Thankfully, for me the sun did rise the next day. God gave me another opportunity and I will be eternally grateful for that. Maybe I didn’t get as much laundry done, or finish the rest of that all-important to-do list but it just didn’t seem so important anymore. I lost one sunset; I don’t intend to lose another.

Galatians 6:10

Therefore, as we have opportunity let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Matthew 5:14-16

You are the light of the world.
A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand,
and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

I constantly tell my 9 year old to FOCUS. He’s a smart boy, but sometimes his head is so far into his dreams that he can’t see reality. I have a tendency to try and recognize traits in my children that I possess and ‘head in the clouds’ is definitely one of them. Sometimes I focus so intently on the ultimate goal that I lose sight of all the little things that are necessary to accomplish it. On the flip side of this fault, some people focus so much on the little things that they can’t even begin to comprehend the ultimate goal. Neither of these traits is really wrong, they are simply unbalanced and ineffective.

I would almost guarantee that no matter who you are, you have more iron’s in the fire than you can count. I can’t really say there’s anything wrong with that, but if you go to bed each night frustrated with what you were unable to accomplish, focus might be just what you need.

Just an example of what focus can accomplish, let’s examine the concept of light. Light by itself illuminates, which is a wonderful thing BUT light focused can cut steel. In each person there are lights within that we label as gifts. Most people have many different gifts, little lights that illuminate the air around them in various ways. When all the lights are on at the same time, the true power is diminished and eventually, some if not all of these lights burn out.

Jesus was the most focused person that ever walked the earth. He had divine wisdom of all the things that needed to be accomplished and yet he rushed nothing. How in the world did he not wake up every morning and say how am I going to do all that needs to be done today? He did it by focusing on the only thing that could accomplish what He alone could not, His Father, Our Father, God Almighty. 2000 years later the impact that Jesus made still resounds across the nations. He was rejected, ridiculed, beaten and crucified and yet with His dying breath, his focus was still on God. That focused Light of the World will continue to cut steel long after we are gone.

I pray that each of you evaluate all that you are doing and come to the core of what it is you want to accomplish. Analyze your gifts, refine them and dedicate them to the Glory of God. The Lord has a specific purpose for your life and you are perfect for the position He has created for you. Unless you truly focus on His Will, the world may lose the light you were intended to give.

May God bless you as you discover the Light within.

John 1:3-5

Through Him all things were made;
without him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness,
but the darkness has not overcome it.

Kids are pretty smart. A lot of people look at this new generation and shiver, but more and more I find myself admiring their way of learning and enjoying life. My sister for example is 22, and a lot of people shake their heads in wonder at her thinking process. She doesn’t want to go to college – period. I’ve had the opportunity to watch her grow, learn and educate herself over these past 4 years, and if you ask me, her logic makes perfect sense.

I think the problem with formal education is that it strives to produce what society needs. Society needs doctors, lawyers, politicians, teachers, nurses, soldiers, computer geeks, veterinarians, so formal education tries to steer people towards the advancement of our society. That’s a no-brainer and for the most part, it works. But what if you don’t exactly fit into what society ‘needs’, what then?

I think it’s very refreshing to see this particular brand of youth ‘finding themselves’ so early in life. My sister realized rather quickly that she didn’t ‘fit in” formal education. She tried, bless her heart, she tried, but there was nothing there she really wanted to do. She didn’t want to learn life, she wanted to experience it. So she moved out of her parent’s home, got her own apartment and got a job. We all shook our heads in grief and said “welcome to the real world baby girl”. But you know what? When you throw a fish out there in any kind of water, they only have two options, swim or die. Lesson number one in finding yourself.

Way to go girlfriend! I’m not saying it was easy for her. She struggled from one job to another, barely making ends meet. She learned about apartment leases, pet deposits and what happens when you don’t pay your electric bill on time. She got tired of fast food and learned to cook. She realized that late nights equal very long tomorrows, and above all – she learned that the dollar bill actually does have value. I know people well over the age of 40, still trying to learn these things.

The next thing she learned in life was that her parents were right; you really do need an education. I think this is where a lot of kids today get lost. They take a ride on this never-ending merry-go-round between who they are and who society says they need to be. College is the only place where you receive an education. This is such a false statement. Some fish simply won’t thrive in this environment and when they sputter for air and die – should you blame the fish or the water?

So my sister steered herself towards her heart’s desire, animals. She wasted very little time striving or pursuing occupations that didn’t meet the requirements of her heart. Even though that sometimes meant living without insurance, and the other benefits that define self-sufficiency, she shut her ears to the standards of society and did it her way. Standing up for who you are in this world can be a very hard thing to do, nobody will ever fully understand the way you do things and that’s okay. Lesson number two in finding yourself.

She is not finished with her education by any means. Lesson number three in finding yourself is giving up on the idea of perfection. This is not a perfect world and there is no such thing as a perfect person, so quit trying to be one. No matter how much you know, there is always more to learn. If you can open your mind and allow yourself to bloom where you’re planted you will eventually thrive, because the longer you follow your heart’s desire the faster you will learn. Desire is there for a reason, use it and be the best that you can be.

I know my sister’s not there yet, and sometimes I’m not even sure there is a ‘there’ to get. She may never go to college or she may find her way back some day, most of us do, but she will go wiser and more able to understand where she fits in. If you reflect on what she’s learned, as I have, you finally start getting it – no matter how old you are. I think this young and unique generation has plenty to teach us old-fogies, if we could just learn to listen.

Sometimes I get so fed up with family. There is so much importance placed on family dynamics and to a point I understand that. I would absolutely die for any one of my children, I would die for my husband, but those relationships were created from and out of love. The parents we are born to, and the family we are born a part of, aren’t personal choices we make and sometimes that is hard to deal with.

I would like to state for the record that my parents are complete morons. My mother is a recovering alcoholic who was pushed into that role by a selfish and abusive sociopath. Together – they created me. I doubt either one of them would argue with my analysis. So what’s a girl to do?

I woke up one day and realized that I refuse to follow in their footsteps. So many times we define ourselves by whom our parents are and that’s just a load of crap. Yes they may influence where and how we begin, but in the end, it is us and us alone that make the decisions that will ultimately shape our lives. My parents taught me, above all else, that humans are prone to error. That includes me, but when I screw up I recognize it. I don’t make excuses for who I am and now, after all these years, I have learned to love my parents, in spite of their flaws. That’s the amazing pattern of life.

I know that someday my children will grow up and realize that I am flawed. I look forward to that day and I hope at the same time they will be able to see where they can grow stronger because of my inadequacies. Life doesn’t get any better than the journey itself, regardless of the roads you take. That’s all I want them to understand about me.

Hey big bro! I know it’s been a while but life has a way of taking over sometimes. The kids are driving me nuts as usual – I love them but their job seems to be keeping me on my toes and boy do they ever do that. I know you hate it when I make excuses, so I’ll stop. The truth is that I don’t always know how to talk to you. Daddy seems so distant sometimes and I know how much like him you truly are. You have been through so much yourself that I hate to burden you with my petty complaints. I know you keep saying that you want to listen because you love me and that’s what big brother’s are for – but it’s still hard.

All I really want to say is that I love you too. I still remember the day when you took my hand and said that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t fully believe you at the time, I guess you know that now – but as usual, you were right. I will never forget what you did for me. You never once thought of yourself and your own pain, you simply gave without expecting anything in return. That was very hard for me in the beginning but now I see how wise you truly are. I’m trying to be more like you but I don’t think I’m doing so well.

Sometimes you seem so removed from life. I don’t always believe that you know how I feel. It’s hard being a wife and a mother. Everyone tells me how blessed I am, but when I go to bed at night, all I think about is what I didn’t accomplish. How do you deal with that? I know there are things in life that you wanted to do, but you listened to Dad instead and always obeyed what He told you. I greatly admire your strength there, because sometimes I don’t always want to listen to His advice. I know He’s always right – but that doesn’t make it any easier for me for some reason.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m hanging in there. I paint that smile on my face every morning and try to remember that I will never have to go through what you did. That has been a constant comfort to me and I want to thank you. I hope you will forgive me for not keeping in touch as often as I’d like. I promise that I’m doing the best I can and you always told me that would be good enough. I believe in you my dear brother and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you believe in me too. I hope someday to make you proud.

Give Dad my love, I spoke with Him today too, but I know how much y’all talk so let Him know how much He means to me. I’m greatly looking forward to your wedding – I can’t wait for all of us to be together again.

Until then – all my love to you I send!

Your Grateful Sister
& God’s Beloved Daughter
Always!

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Believe it or not – I have gotten in trouble for my use of the word family.  My precious 6-year-old daughter is still trying to figure all of this out – how Nannie is Daddy’s mommy and Emaw is mommy’s mommy.  I understand her confusion, even before you start getting into what a cousin is.

 So what is family?

To me family is anyone that you love – and I just happen to love a lot of people.

There has always been kind of a weird ‘family’ pattern in my husband and my lives.  He was adopted by his step-father after his own father was killed, and although my own father is still alive, it’s my step-dad that gave me away as a young bride and that my three children now adoringly call Paw-Paw. 

They are both family regardless of the lack of blood ties.

I only have one ‘real’ sister, whatever that means, and 2 half-sisters, whatever that means – and sisters in spirit?  I can’t even count them – and you know what?  I love them all as if we were made of the same flesh and blood.

I believe that family even extends to our beloved animals.  My husband loves his chickens, to him they are family.  I love my cats and my faithful heeler, Panda – my beloved fur-children, every one of them.  They bring me joy and a special serenity that I rarely find outside of their presence. 

All of the people and things that I love, make up a huge part of who I am.  I love the Lord my God with all of my heart and I am secure in the knowledge that He loves me too. 

What an incredible family I have and please do not tell me who is and who is not family.  It’s not about the blood, it’s about the spirit – the fresh flow of water that rolls along the stream we call life.  It carves it’s own path along the banks of our souls, forever changing us – that to me, is family.

I was shutting down the computer, really I was!
And he walked out and threw a fit because I was still *at* the computer. 

I’m still getting use to my laptop and for some reason
you have to wait till the screen goes BLACK to shut the thing up. 
So there I am, just waiting, fixing to go to bed where he wants me
- and then he’s got to go and make me mad. 

So now I’m in front of the computer that was off
- that now is on….

…..Here’s where the question comes in

 good or bad?

In my defense, this is NOT a habit,
it just takes me a little longer to shut down than it takes him. 
I always make sure his needs are met,
so what’s the big deal?

So in my anger, I’m not going in …
… until he’s good and asleep.

 So I gotta know -

bad or good? 

my conscience is waiting lol……

Genesis 3:15
And I will put enmity between thee and the woman,
and between thy seed and her seed;
it shall bruise thy head,
and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Enmity means mutual hatred,
so what this verse is basically saying is:

mutual hatred between thee (the serpent) and the woman.

Some people might just pass by that verse but for a woman raising three children in the blackland prairies of Texas, it’s a verse that deserves respect.

I don’t like snakes and I don’t much care whether they like me or not. Most people will tell you that I have trouble swatting at flies much less killing a living creature – but snakes, well they just don’t count.

When you think about seeds…

The seed of the serpent and her seed,

it makes me think about snakes around my children.
I can’t think of a worse nightmare than that.

And yet sometimes when I listen to the news…
That’s what I see –

A swarm of slithering snakes just waiting
for my children to pass by unexpectedly.

My mother always told me that if the truth hurts, it probably should.
Now mothers everywhere must face the truth
of the condition of our society.

Yes, it hurts.
Yes, it scares us,

but for the sake of the ones we are trying to protect – we must face it bravely and without fear.

…It shall bruise thy head,

Unfortunately, if you are a mother, the serpent will mess with your head big-time when it comes to your children.

Mothers are never good enough.
Mothers never have enough time.
Every fault within a child – lies in the mother.

Sound familiar?

It’s not true – but for some reason…
mothers are harder on themselves than anyone else.

Even if you’re all growed up now,
no matter how hard your mother was on you –

I guarantee you she was, and probably still is, harder on herself.
…if she lived through raising you, that is

But a word of courage:

Thou shalt bruise his heel

You will overreach and holdback the serpent!

So I was just thinking…
What an incredible promise given to women
all the way back in….

Genesis 3:15
And I will put enmity between thee and the woman,
and between thy seed and her seed;
it shall bruise thy head,
and thou shalt bruise his heel.