A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. – James Dent

At my house, “Dust” is a noun, not a verb. – Anonymous

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? – Phyllis Diller

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. – C.E. Cowman

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. – Phyllis Diller

I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it. But you have to be efficient if you’re going to be lazy. – Shirley Conran

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. – Roseanne Barr

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. – Anonymous

My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. – Dottie Archibald

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. – Anonymous

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. – Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? – Erma Bombeck

Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I. – Anne Gibbons

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. – G.M. Weilacher

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything. – Dave Barry

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, “Honey, do this,” and “Honey, do that” around the house. – Jim Lemon

Three-fourths of the Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. – Chuck Clark